who i am - who they will become
No one can ever say to me that my job isn't tough. While people might look at me and think "all she does is play games with teenagers - and yeah, she might be teaching them about Jesus - but all I see is her hanging out and goofing off with the kids." Hanging out and goofing off with the kids - a rap that most youth ministers get. But it's in these times where God can work the most. It's in these times where the kids that I spend the most time with will see me - as I truly am. They will see the real me. They cannot be fooled. Teens can see right through a facade. They don't respect you if you're like that. I can't blame them - I wouldn't respect me either if I was like that.
But - I struggle so much with this. I know that as a leader - influencer - who I am rubs off on the kids. While that might not be a bad thing in some aspects - maybe they'll start reading their Bibles - or want to worship God - or somehow live out their lives for God - or for that matter actually be on time for something! But - then I look at myself and see all of my shortcomings - all of my weaknesses - and it scares the shit out of me that these kids are going to have those aspects of me rub off on them too.
It scares me that these kids will get caught up in the crap that I'm still caught up in as an 'adult.' And that is the last thing that I would ever want. And I'm not even just talking about immoral stuff - I don't want my lack of being in prayer to rub off on these kids. I value prayer so much and talking with my Lord and spending time with Him - but I totally don't do it as much as I want to.
It's true that not everyone is called to work with teens - but everyday I wonder why exactly God called me to it. I know me - I know all about me - and I know what I am not. But I also know that God is so much more powerful than me - He is all powerful. And I am so thankful for that. I am nothing and have nothing without Him.
Who I am is who they'll become - that is a frikkin' scary thought.
But that's when I keep in mind what Stan Grenz wrote, "Be who, through Christ, you will one day become." If only I could be like that all of the time.
peace all,
~Jenna
p.s. In reference to a previous entry "the cola wars" - I have tried Diet Pepsi with Lime - and Em, I'm sorry, but I'm stickin' with Diet Coke with Lime. I liked the Pepsi version - but there's just something about the Coke version that just makes me happy.
But - I struggle so much with this. I know that as a leader - influencer - who I am rubs off on the kids. While that might not be a bad thing in some aspects - maybe they'll start reading their Bibles - or want to worship God - or somehow live out their lives for God - or for that matter actually be on time for something! But - then I look at myself and see all of my shortcomings - all of my weaknesses - and it scares the shit out of me that these kids are going to have those aspects of me rub off on them too.
It scares me that these kids will get caught up in the crap that I'm still caught up in as an 'adult.' And that is the last thing that I would ever want. And I'm not even just talking about immoral stuff - I don't want my lack of being in prayer to rub off on these kids. I value prayer so much and talking with my Lord and spending time with Him - but I totally don't do it as much as I want to.
It's true that not everyone is called to work with teens - but everyday I wonder why exactly God called me to it. I know me - I know all about me - and I know what I am not. But I also know that God is so much more powerful than me - He is all powerful. And I am so thankful for that. I am nothing and have nothing without Him.
Who I am is who they'll become - that is a frikkin' scary thought.
But that's when I keep in mind what Stan Grenz wrote, "Be who, through Christ, you will one day become." If only I could be like that all of the time.
peace all,
~Jenna
p.s. In reference to a previous entry "the cola wars" - I have tried Diet Pepsi with Lime - and Em, I'm sorry, but I'm stickin' with Diet Coke with Lime. I liked the Pepsi version - but there's just something about the Coke version that just makes me happy.
posted by Jennifer at
10:45 AM
2 Comments:
I almost cried reading you post. (not the part about the cola war- I can support your coke habit)
But the parts about the kids imitating your rough sides too. It hurts.
I love that they love my watch and that they are desiring to learn more about prayer but I suck at being super deep in scripture. I struggle with making it my priority and that is just not what I want for them.
It took me a while growing up to learn that my youth leader wasn't and still isn't perfect. It's close to a parent thing. I do things my mom does that aren't that great.
Thanks for sharing Jen. Sometimes I really need to know that other people are there with me.
By
princess granola, At
1:18 PM
Thanks for the encouragement Em. I totally understand about the whole "needing to know that other people are there with me" thing. We should talk more often. ~jen
By
Jennifer, At
2:02 PM
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